You may be wondering what to eat for breakfast (I think it’s a safe assumption, considering you clicked on the link with that exact title).

Maybe you’re thinking of just going to the local diner to order a nice brunch this weekend. Let me give you a narrative to explain a better option:

I was recently on a driving version of the walk of shame (glory – because I don’t believe in shame for having a good time with another awesome person), when I thought, “I’m really hungry. Ya know what sounds delicious? That giant omelet from the diner down the street.”

But then I realized, I spent $30 on drinks and food the night before (in LA, that’s an accomplishment) – so I didn’t need to drop $15 + $3 tip on breakfast. I gotta #savedatmoney (ironically, I’ve been to the diner in that video).

So I went to Ralph’s (giant grocery store – Kroger on the East Coast) and bought all the ingredients I would’ve had in that omelet.

I got a dozen cage-free, hormone-free eggs (worth the extra coin – better for you and humane) for $4. Chorizo for $2. A bell pepper, jalapeno peppers and onion for $2 total. A pack of sliced mushrooms for $3. A pack of prime center cut bacon for $4. (option 2: sub guacamole for the bacon)

Total = $15. And that’s enough food to make 3 giant omelets with bacon on the side. Bomb breakfast/brunch for $5/day… #winning

No, I didn’t get toast that comes with the omelet at the diner. But toast and jam (sugar) is just terrible calories that none of us need. #glutenfree

I saved $3 that day. But I guess it’s really saving $39 (if I’d had all 3 omelets at the diner, not in the same sitting – #fatass). Side note: I also use hot sauce, but that’s like a $2 bottle that lasts a month, so doesn’t count for this story.

That’s enough to have a bottle of champagne with the weekend version – #sundayfunday! And still save $30. Which happens to be enough for a gym membership. Eat breakfast in the house 3x/month instead of eating out to have champagne and afford a gym membership (to burn off the calories of all those awesome omelets with champagne)!

Coffee may be for closers, but champagne is for champions. And that includes you. Drink up! (Unless you’re pregnant. Then, maybe just the coffee. #doitforthekids)

And if you’re buying for two, like if the girl doesn’t kick you out to “get work done” (like what happened to start this story), you save even more.

I do extensive research to help you save money and live better. You’re welcome, America.