How to avoid sexual harassment in 2018

Wow. 2017 was a rough year for sexually predatory behavior and the people who use it.

It got so bad that some men actually said, “it’s hard to be a man right now.” LOLOLOLOL

Bro, if you have to follow the “Mike Pence Rule” – the problem isn’t women; it’s you.

If you’re scared to talk with women (out of sexual harassment fears, not overwhelming blanket insecurity, which is an altogether separate issue)  – the problem isn’t women; it’s you.

Watching the abusers of power fall has been fun

And it will continue to be fun in 2018. I suspect this train just started, it’s nowhere near done.

I’ve been equal parts shocked and not shocked by the sexual harassment allegations.

Shocked in the brazen attitudes of so many men and uncouth things done/said. Truly horrifying. Not shocked by the guilty parties.

It just seems like not doing these things would be common sense. But I was raised to respect women (thanks, Mom and Dad!) and to be a kind, thoughtful person.

Apparently, not everyone had that basic human respect principle instilled in them as a child.

For anyone still not sure how to avoid sexual harassment accusations, I’ve created these simple flowcharts to guide you in 2018 and beyond:

how to avoid sexual harassment claims

how to avoid sexual harassment accusations

Maybe it would help to print these and keep them on your person at all times.

Just whip it out (the flowchart, not your body parts) and consult it BEFORE taking any action when you have sexual urges involving a woman in your vicinity.

And think about how to avoid sexual harassment claims using the above helpful flowcharts.

Remember: you are not a chimpanzee.

You don’t get to throw your feces at other beings when you’re upset. You also don’t get to hump another being because you felt an urge.

I’m no zoologist, but chimps may even be more advanced than that.

Think: would a chimpanzee behave this way? If the answer is yes, don’t do that thing.

Us humans are (sometimes) a more advanced species. We can have thoughts about our thoughts.

Whoa! Meta. I know, bro. Keep up.

Use those special, human parts of your brain to think critically before you act on an urge.

It would probably be good to think critically about all aspects of your life, but the point of this specific post is to guide your interactions with women so you know how to avoid sexual harassment accusations.

If you haven’t been a creep/predator and read this thinking, “Dude, duh. This is basic AF!” Congratulations!

You get to focus on important shit that benefits you and everyone around you like increasing your productivity by staying (or getting) healthy in 2018, moving to a 30 hour work week, and generally being a happy person.

Good luck out there in 2018 and beyond! You can be an upstanding citizen, I know it!


Please share this with men who might need the guidance/reminder and women who’ve had a rough time dealing with predatory behavior so they can show the men in their world. Hopefully, this will give those women a good laugh. They deserve it.