Here’s some traits you should have or develop now. In case you didn’t click: honesty and respect are the most important.

Also, look for those traits in a partner. You can’t change others, but you can change yourself. Which might encourage them to change too.

Let go of your checklist. Find someone that has a lot of good qualities you like and go out with them.

Keep some red flags though: dishonesty, lack of loyalty, general meanness, negativity, narcissism, etc.

Find someone who pushes you to be better instead of approves of your complacency.

Physical health and attractiveness does matter. It’s generally the first thing people notice. It’s our evolutionary biology, so speaking of it otherwise is harmful.

It affects your dating options to say the least. Even though it will have no tangible effect on the quality of your relationship – get healthy and fit to be better. It’ll have a ton of positive effects on you and consequently any relationship you enter.

Don’t compromise yourself or become dependent on someone else. Be complete and happy without needing to be in a relationship. You are a whole person. You don’t need someone to “complete you.”

That’s terrible for your psychological health and overall well-being. Get to know yourself. Be true to yourself. Find a partner who is the same way. Look for a partner who complements you, not completes you.

Be slow to anger and always seek to understand first, then be understood. If you do, your fights will be few and far between. They’ll also be easier to get through with as little damage as possible.

Now, here’s how to not be uplifted/uplifting. Don’t be someone’s back burner if you want more. If you aren’t a priority to them, they shouldn’t be a priority to you.

Don’t tolerate verbal and/or emotional abuse (It should go without saying that you shouldn’t tolerate physical abuse – get help immediately).

If you struggle with this and often find yourself getting attached to people who aren’t good for you – be alone for a while and figure out why you do that. Then, consider a change in your attachment style.

If you need more help – talk with a professional. An objective, outside voice and perspective can help clear your mind of it’s barriers and baggage.


If you clicked all those links and read them, you just got a crash course in relationship psychology. Congratulations! You’re better equipped to be a better partner and find a better partner.