Dear Girl I Ghosted,

I’m sorry.

I shouldn’t have totally vanished like that. But I didn’t know what else to do.

I took the easy way out and maybe now I’m just writing this to ease my guilty conscience.

We were sitting at your favorite Chinese take-out spot at a small table near the door. Three languages were being spoken but we were the only ones speaking English, so we were fine.

You asked the dreaded question, “Where is this going?” It was our third date. We hadn’t known each other for three weeks.

I’m still trying to figure out where I’m going in life. Which I tried to communicate to you. How am I supposed to know you well enough to know if I want to be your boyfriend at date 3? You were very clear about wanting labels. I tried to be clear about not wanting that.

You were 21. Trying to save for going back to college (though I’m not sure why, and I wouldn’t recommend wasting your money). I was 28. But still stuck in limbo. Sure of where I wanted to be, but completely unsure of how to get there.

Your cuteness caught me. And that you didn’t realize how cute you were worked magic. You had me hooked. But I quickly realized it wasn’t going to be anything too serious because you simply lacked the experience and maturity I need in a partner. It’s not your fault.

And I know ghosting isn’t mature, so you got me there. But I can’t even count the number of times a girl ghosted me. Not that I’m excusing anyone’s behavior. But you said you’d only had one boyfriend, so I guess you probably hadn’t experienced being ghosted much yet.

When you didn’t text me back after we went on a hike the next day… it was easy to ghost. I knew you wouldn’t text me first. Which I found funny. Your duality of fervor for feminism while expecting chivalry and antiquated ideas about dating like the guy always making first contact and paying for all dates.

Which is another reason why we wouldn’t have been happy together. I didn’t have money to spend, so I would have seriously disappointed you there. And I don’t much care for dated ideas about dating.

Oh well. Our brief fling was a good experience. I learned some things. Hopefully you view it that way too.

Sincerely, I wish you the absolute best. Hopefully you figure out a plan for your life faster than I did. I hope you find someone in the right mind-frame to jump into that relationship with you as quickly as you want.

I hope you find happiness.


The Guy who Ghosted