Women say they want certain things.

Maybe they have this long checklist they tell their friends or potential partners. Maybe they say they like a certain type of guy. Maybe they say certain characteristics matter more to them than others.

Doesn’t really matter -> actions speak louder than words.

Filter what you’re hearing them say through what you see in their behavior. If women acted exclusively on what they say they want (intellectually), douchebags would be going home alone every night. But you and I both know that isn’t the case.

So what is the case? Women are attracted to certain traits. And a LOT of it is subconscious. Some of it they are aware of, and some they are not.

Unless they’ve watched the Science of Sex documentary. I have. And you know anybody who’s watching that isn’t presently in a sexual relationship of any kind.

There’s some science to this attraction and mating game. Some of it you can’t affect (genetics, pheromones, etc), but most of it you can. If you want to know more of the science, watch the doc.

I’ve read a LOT of articles and blogs and magazines. I’ve observed women’s behavior for years. Trying, futile as it was, to be with them from age 12-24. Then I started having success.

And I want to share the knowledge I’ve acquired through trial and error so you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did and you can avoid the depression that I had.

Here’s the 4 things women are actually looking for in a man and how you can win at them:


1 – Looks

This is all-around appearance: genetics, physical fitness, hygiene and style.

You have absolutely no control over one. But that’s just 1/4. You CAN control 75%. And you should take control of it. So don’t make excuses that “girls don’t like me because I wasn’t born good-looking enough.” That’s a bullshit copout and we all know it.

Don’t know where to get started? I can help.

If you’re fat, you need to lose weight. Now. So stop drinking soda and munching on chips and candy.

Exercise. Humans were meant to move. Lift things. Start light and work your way up. Read some of my articles here. Get my workout plans. Get a trainer. Use an app. Read blogs.

Clean up well. Dress for the woman you want. You get one shot at a first impression. If you leave the house, you have to be “ON.”

Do yourself a favor – get a subscription to GQ. Get the Black Book from Esquire. Read Primer Magazine and Art of Manliness.

Don’t buy the clothes in GQ/Esquire – they’re absurdly expensive. Use those as look books. You can get quality clothes that look the exact same for much less. Primer has great recs. Try Gap, Uniqlo and H&M for starters.

Skin regimen? Doesn’t take much.

Hygiene: Body wash. Shampoo. Deodorant (not anti-perspirant). One shot of cologne straight to the chest. Brush your teeth twice a day. Rinse with mouthwash at night (bad breath is a very fast way to kill attraction). It’s really that simple.


2 – Confidence

While the above determines which women will be open to your advances, this one determines your likelihood of success. If you lack confidence, you will fail. 100% of the time. An insecure woman goes out, gets laid to boost her self confidence (not an effective way to do that, btw – but that’s another post entirely), while an insecure man is practically covered in woman repellant.

If you aren’t confident, fake it til you make it. Seriously. It will work. One day you’ll wake up and not have to fake it anymore. You’ll really believe in yourself and that you are awesome and desirable to women (maybe not all women, but some – “filtering” is another topic for another post).

Know yourself. Self-awareness is the most important skill.

Also know that women are generally aware of how attractive they are. You should know relatively how attractive you are. People tend to pair off with someone of comparable attractiveness (within 1 point up or down on a 10 point scale).

Will they try to sleep with someone way more attractive? Sure. Should you try? Sure. But be realistic in expectations. Unless you’re a 9 or 10, you aren’t going to land a swimsuit model.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking women only sleep with guys who are 9s or 10s though. They don’t. They go home with 5s – 8s all the time (and if they’re a 3, they’ll go home with a 2). I wish I’d gotten that through my thick head early in life.


3 – Social Aptitude

Women hate feeling uncomfortable. This is all about one thing – make women feel comfortable around you.

If a woman doesn’t feel super comfortable with you – game over. Immediately.

Don’t say horribly timed jokes. Don’t be completely random. Feel the conversation, go with the flow, pick up on social cues, use your hands when you talk, make eye contact (but remember to blink), don’t ramble, ask her about herself, etc.

If you find trouble getting this one down, get a coach. Observe others. Who do you know is very successful in social situations? Emulate them for a while until you develop your own style. We all kind of riff off something we learned along the way.

Sense of humor is important. Watch comedies. Good ones: Office, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Modern Family, Community, Friends, Seinfeld, etc. This will help you with your timing and jokes. I watch comedies almost exclusively. And I’m hilarious.


4 – Ambition

Have some. It’s easy to take the easy road in this world. Well sort of. Once we get a UBI, it’ll be even easier.

You have to strive for something. Give a shit. About the right things. Don’t give a shit what others think of you and your goals.

“Haters gonna hate and ain’ters gonna ain’t.” – The Interview

Don’t be an ain’ter. Be a winner. Chicks dig winners.

This doesn’t have to be: I’m gonna be a billionaire or the president/king of the world. Be realistically optimistic.

Just have drive. Be motivated towards a goal and you will be interesting. Women want to be with a man who is interesting. By having a goal, you become interesting to women (and men for that matter – winners hang with winners because birds of a feather flock together).

So stop playing video games and watching porn – they aren’t helping you succeed. Read a book or five, a magazine and a blog. Have something of value to add to a conversation.


When you improve at these four key things, you will find yourself in a much better place in life. And not coincidentally much more successful with women.