This blog post is kind of absurd with it’s contradictory advice – don’t have feelings! make sure you can handle the emotions! Wait… what?
I think a lot of people confuse “friends with benefits” with “f**k buddies” or a “booty call” – if you don’t know the person well, you aren’t friends. If you aren’t friends, you can’t be “friends with benefits” considering you’re missing half the equation.
Now that I’ve had multiple “friends with benefits” – starting from very different places (one an ex, one a friend from college) – I feel experienced enough to have an opinion on the matter.
Sex is intimate. Removing intimacy from sex can seriously mess with your head (ask an ex porn star). I mean, you’re totally vulnerable with that person in that moment. Combining bodies/energies in a manner that can be described as powerful.
It’s a strong connection. Denying that will likely cause you problems (ie: emotional distress). Making that deep of a connection with a lot of people is fine – just really connect.
Trying to be emotionless in sex is making yourself into a sexbot. Why would you do that? Cause you’re afraid of getting hurt? Terrible excuse.
You are more than a sexual being – you are an emotional being. Acknowledge that. Own that. Don’t hide from it.
Why are we so afraid of feelings, pleasant and unpleasant? We have them. Lots of them. All the time. We should embrace them and value them for what they are.
To be hurt by someone means you had to have felt good about that person at one point – because if you didn’t care about them, you wouldn’t feel bad.
Dive into that good feeling! Who knows? Maybe you wouldn’t have gotten hurt if the two of you actually explored your good feelings for each other.
I’m not one for sleeping with strangers. I find it weird. If that’s your thing, whatever. But I gotta ask – why? Are you avoiding a deeper connection with someone because you’re afraid? Don’t be.
Feelings are great. Having them doesn’t make you weak.
I’d rather connect with someone I know and like already – they have a name for that person: a friend.
Then there’s people who say, “one or both of you will catch feelings… then what?” I don’t know. We probably already have good feelings for each other. We’re just amplifying them with sex. Then we’ll figure it out as we go because we’re adults who communicate with each other.
How else are we supposed to navigate this world? With people we care about who care about us.
It’s time we stop having this negative view of sleeping with someone who’s already your friend.
Sleeping with strangers is more dangerous and less emotionally beneficial than sleeping with someone you already know, trust and like.
“No strings attached” sex? That’s called masturbation.
If you’re going to fully connect with someone, don’t hide from your emotions! Go whole heart!